By Gay Hendricks
In his bestselling book awake Living, pioneering therapist homosexual Hendricks taught how to define stability and happiness in relationships.Now he provides us Conscious Living, a pragmatic advisor for the person that brings new insights right into a basic fact of day-by-day fact of lifestyle. 5 basic classes of "conscious living", rooted within the historic traditions of Stoicism and Taoism, aid us conquer hindrances and fears and wake up our personal creativity.
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Extra resources for Conscious Living: Finding Joy in the Real World
No action or person rates as either good or bad in and of itself, but instead is rated by somewhat arbitrary and changeable standards. Let us turn our attention to B, your Belief System. Before advancing a detailed explanation of B, let us clarify one main point. Although B exerts an extremely strong influence upon your reactions at C, we’d better not see B as the only factor in determining C but always remember that A also influences your reactions. Your behavior at C, then, follows a combination of A and B.
I discover that I cannot take advantage of you, for you guard against that. Because you do not totally reject me for acting unfairly, you respect me as a person in spite of my behavior, and you tend to respect yourself as a person in spite of your ineffective anger. Although you have other alternatives with the REBT solution, you can see from this example that it not only deals with the disadvantages of anger but also provides the groundwork for reestablishing relationships on the basis of mutual respect.
As we look at A and C, it may appear that A causes C. REBT theory assumes, however, that although your Adversity or Activating Event directly contributes to your Emotional Consequence, it does not really cause it. We do not always easily see the dynamics of cause and effect. Yet if we look closely at this relationship between A and C—as we will throughout this book—we will find other factors involved and find that although my withdrawing from our agreement may have inconvenienced and disappointed you greatly, my “unjust” action alone does not necessarily make you feel angry with me.
Conscious Living: Finding Joy in the Real World by Gay Hendricks